I never imagined

I never imagined I would ever say the following:

1. I am not the maid.
2. His/her behavior does NOT justify yours!
3. This is not a democracy. What gave you the idea that you would get a vote?
4. Stop touching each other!
5. Oh yes I am the boss of you!
6. I love you too, now go to time out.
7. Listen here, Sassy Pants.
8. We are going to pray the Hail Mary. Then we will discuss what happened.
9. Both of you. Time out. Together. HOLD HANDS.

I never imagined I would be able to:

1. Touch someone on the forehead and say with absolute certainty that they did or did not have a fever. I thought that was some freakish thing only my mom knew how to do...
2. Remember that a normal temp is 98.6.

And I never imagined I would become emotional because:

1. My little person finally outgrew a pair of socks with dump trucks on them...
2. My children are potty trained which means I am no longer buying diapers which means I no longer have babies...